Just kidding, no one actually makes phone calls. All my most special people text!

I am a resource. A beacon when times are tough for the toughest. For we at Vomitola know all too well that being extraordinary is a painful and isolating condition. How many times have you thought to yourself “Wow, today sucks. Only sudden and immense wealth could fix this one.” You’re wrong. Although honestly, it won’t hurt anything.

But as a complete hypocrite, I am crossing my fingers that the private shares of Facebook that I’ve had kicking around forever will squintuple-oon in value in one day, and then I will then retire us and devote my time to making live webcasts with Lambchop. We are thinking of tentatively titling our show “The Choke,” after the errant taco that started it all.

Stay tuned, it’s going to get weird. Especially for the special.