Tag Archives: home doctorin’

Poor me!

Lambchop is feeling glum today. (reads the sign on the door of my plague house).

but thats what weblogs are for. no matter how useless I may feel, the public is served by hearing about it. after all, unlike everyone else, my woe is INTERESTING!

so i perk up a little every time eudora makes that Log! from blammo xylophone tune, expecting to hear from people who have better things to do with their saturday than to mire in self-pity (and the log tune is itself so gosh darn zippy). alas it’s all just the usual notices about how i can be taller, thinner, richer, or more blessed in the cock dept. I am inadequate in ways i never even thought of!

actually, it would not be the first time it has been suggested to me that what would really put spring in my step is having a johnson. Lickety has been telling me for years to consider the graft of a donkey member. but thats because the dear girl really thinks i would make for a fine husband. well, who wouldn’t with such equippage? there cannot be two opinions on the point!

smooch

Dawn Wiener

This article is promenading me down memory lane: Fifth-graders accused of poisoning attempt

Ah, the grand tradition of attempted murder. I myself have only tried to kill 3 people. All were unsuccessful, although my sister still has a pretty good scar. Well, I guess that could be downgraded to “almost killed by accident.” But the other two, oh man. There was one roommate who shall remain nameless…the other roomie and I used to take her perishable food out of the fridge and leave it on top of the dishwasher to warm up ever so slightly. She must have wondered why we had our own jar of mayonaise marked with our names. That didn’t seem to work, so we took to dredging her toothbrush in the commode from time to time. Surely we never rose to the heights of this young gentleman, but we gave it the old college try, so to speak.

Lesson learned: if your roommate keeps his or her own toothbrush in a lockbox, so should you.

xxoo