Signs and portents indeed abound. Why, it rained all week!  Then I saw 2 sixteen foot high inflatable rats on 21st St.  Why would a sixteen foot high inflatable rat even need to exist?  I don’t know, but let’s get two of ’em! And as I ascended into the fog atop the Williamsburg bridge on my morning bike commute, through my headphones crooned “leave your life behind you now and float away with me.”  How does ipod always know? 

Most ominous of all, yesterday’s fortune cookie had no fortune in it. 

If you are like me, I am sure you spent this past week in a form of reflection on your life and your insignificant place in the grand scheme of things with an attention bordering on obssession every time you heard Bittersweet Symphony come on the radio.  So we have all figured out that life is a highway and love hurts and we are ready for our sweet, sticky dose of redemption.

Licketysplit and I figured there had to be a softer side to the inevitable.  We bring you:

Vol. 2: Pearly Gates

New Dawn Fades- Joy Division
You Have Killed Me -Morrissey (can’t help ourselves!)
Starman- David Bowie
Just Like Heaven- the Cure
Leave Your Life Behind- the Texas Governor
Monkey Gone to Heaven- the Pixies
Personal Jesus- Depeche Mode
Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell- Flaming Lips
I Have Forgiven Jesus- Morrissey

and finally…

Number One in Heaven- Sparks

Oh Life on Earth, you were really…something!

Fellow heathens, we are so close I can smell the singed eyebrows we’ll all be sporting come some time, possibly tomorrow. Picture yourself crisped like so much cheese on a toaster oven coil!

With all this foofaraw about the end of the world, everything seems to be an omen. On my journey through the morning vehicular massacre today, I spotted a disheveled crone standing in a yard wearing a backwards rain coat. Not two houses down, there was an empty teddy bear print high chair standing forlornly at the end of the driveway. Then I was passed by three UPS trucks in a row!

I turned the corner, and at an intersection, I was blindsided to see FIVE UPS trucks in a row gliding down the cross street. The effect was akin to watching circus elephants grandly enter a town. What will brown do to me? I quake in anticipation.

It really is the little moments in life, I suppose. Just last week, I slalomed through heavy traffic to approach a Subaru with a missing back window, the hole covered in many layers of plastic sheeting and duct tape. The license plate read ADEPT. Every time I was ready to voice over WACKITY SCHMACKITY DOO into my phone’s video camera, the damned thing would change lanes. I was chasing the ghost of incongruity. A metaphor for the futility of our officing away in offices, fulfilling ever-changing and inconsistent requests for maniacs.

Speaking of maniacs, Lambchop and I slaved over an End of the World mix tape. We found so many worthy candidates (at least 80% of the Morrissey and Judas Priest catalog) that we decided to make 2 volumes. I’ll be bringing you THE PAIN:

Vol. 1: Apocalypso

The Sky’s Gone Out – Bauhaus
It’ll End in Tears – This Mortal Coil
Some Heads Are Gonna Roll – Judas Priest
Wave of Mutilation – The Pixies
Sorry Doesn’t Help – Morrissey
The Weeping Song – Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Cities in Dust – Siouxsie and the Banshees
There is a Place in Hell Reserved For Me and My Friends – Morrissey (see??)
Dead Souls – Joy Division
Now I’m Feeling Zombified – Alien Sex Fiend