Tag Archives: celebrity!

Tom Cruise-y

January 26, 2003Uncategorizedcelebrity!, decline of Western culture, low concerns, sexy sexLicketysplit

VinDiesel69: i have something for you to post as an anonymous quote from me.

VinDiesel69: or something.

lickety: is it about retards?

VinDiesel69: like, i want to say this on my blog but it’s too icky even for me, but your blog is great for it

[ed. note! We LOVE backhanded compliments!]

VinDiesel69: no, icky men cruising in the gym

lickety: ooh yeah

VinDiesel69: OK, i mean, I’ve got pretty good gaydar, whatever, i can tell when people are trying to pick people up in the sauna: they go from steam room to sauna repeatedly, cool off with a shower and a drink, then do it again and again.

VinDiesel69: but when the straight people can tell, and the gay people are openly disgusted and relieved that you’ve left the room,

VinDiesel69: you KNOW you’re overdoing it.

VinDiesel69: I mean, this guy was NASTY

lickety: am i missing the boat on lesbian cruising at my gym? I never get that kind of attention

VinDiesel69: He was lying on his back on the bench, lifting his knee to his chest and rocking back and forth suggestively. I wanted to say “ye gods man, put those away! You’re scaring the breeders!”

VinDiesel69: i doubt it.

lickety: i guess chicks are more subtle

VinDiesel69: I mean, are there rules about women’s room behavior?

VinDiesel69: like, never pick the stall next to someone else, or don’t sit too close to someone in the sauna?

VinDiesel69: keep your legs crossed closely?

VinDiesel69: wear your towel? don’t make eye contact?

lickety: mostly people are very polite

VinDiesel69: my guess is “would you like to have coffee sometime?”

lickety: i recently discussed american idol and joe millionaire with someone and her friend

lickety: maybe they think i was hitting on them! we *were* all naked

So, to recap, gentlemen, for chrissakes be discreet! My friend Vin (is that anonymous enough for ya?) from the above exchange seems to get all the hot locker room action though…Always makes me feel like there must be something wrong with meeeee!

P.S. I am in no way saying that Tom Cruise is gay. Tom, please do not sue me.

xxoo

Damned Don’t Cry

January 21, 2003Uncategorizedack, celebrity!Licketysplit

Aw, healing poor Steve Strange… He was assaulted in the street by a common thug wielding a knuckleduster! Why him and not, say, Glamboy? Boggles the mind!

xxoo

O! Banana

January 20, 2003Uncategorizedcelebrity!, decline of Western culture, recipe corner, scienceLambchop

Something that weighs heavily on my heart. That’s right, the Banana. I read just recently that fungus and pests have devastated the plants, and they simply don’t have the genetic diversity to combat the problem. Like the Amish. Anyhoo, what kind of life would it be without bananas? How can we go on if banana pancakes are extinct? What will monkeys eat (and what will happen to Matt LeBlanc’s career)? But seriously, if i put a lovely ripe banana in your hand and told you “Savor this baby, its the Very Last One You Will Ever Eat”, wouldn’t you just burst into tears, thereby destroying your final banana moments? And that would most deservedly make you feel like a real schmuck.

Gather ye bananas, while ye may…

Licketysplit and i may at least console ourselves by marketing the world’s first Bananapon- yes, the cheery, fragrant banana tampon!

smooch

The Poisoners Handbook

January 17, 2003UncategorizedBerlin, celebrity!, liquorLambchop

I have been had by a handsome bartender. He sprang like a gazelle behind the bar: he leapt, he tossed and caught shakers lilke that Tom Cruise movie whose title I pride myself on having forgotten. He got a fat tip for smiling at me. Why are gay men so hot?

anyway, do not fill out any love tests from crushsgent.com because its just some nosey friend of yours who wants to know if your bottom has ever been intruded. maybe you want this to be common knowledge, but i feel a person’s bottom is their private kingdom.

anyway, i think its time i crawl up a plaster ostrich. boddddyyyy, why is my toothbrush padlocked?