Today I am having some off-brand Muddy Bears from the Kandy Shanty next door. So far so good, but I am not enjoying them as much because of the lack of packaging. Sure, it is more economical to get one’s chocolate-covered Gummis from a bulk bin, but I am missing out on the picture of the demonic, scatalogically inclined cuddly bear. Look how his eyes raise heavenward as he contemplates the brown manna plunging down on his gummi hide! Trust the Germans to come up with such a filthy treat. Incidentally, you can purchase Muddy Bears in their rightful packaging at the candy counter of your finer Blockbuster outlets if you are interested.

Oh, I also tried a sugar-free chocolate covered almond. Someone at work is on one of those no sugar diets. The purported downside of eating sugar-free candy? Anal leakage! It didn’t taste particularly good, or particularly bad. But now I am positive I can feel it worming its way through to victory! Me, paranoid? Of course! It’s what I do best! No standing for the rest of the day, just in case.

Now back to bears…I have had the distinct pleasure of working next door to the FAO Schwartz Friendly-Ass Bear statue for quite a while now, but apparently the store is going to close! People were simply not buying enough action figures or $80 stuffed whales in these tough economic times. What is to become of the Friendly-Ass Bear? His plump bronze buttocks shall be ignominiously pried off the sidewalk! He may be sold at auction. I am going to find out when and where so I can take him home. He’d make a lovely addition to any front yard or cathedral ceiling’d rumpus room, frightening children and adults alike. And he’d look so bitchin next to my Silver Spoons train set. Oh, the memories. What’s next, paving the dog field?

xxoo