All posts by Lambchop

Hot Clams!

Uncategorized,

It is indeed tragic the way we can’t gain admittance to the Dead Poet’s Society. But its nice to know that you get shandied and have smoothies brought to you in the tub, proof that sometimes nice boys like us. I am in no mood for fraternizing with boys, nice or not. I refuse to leave the house until the new teeth i ordered arrive. The temporary ones have become loose and have a habit of landing in the stew. Just the other night i was growing impatient in a losing battle with a sandwich, so i plunked them into my champagne glass. A whirlwind of elbow patches as the english majors took to their heels!

To me Sundays are the equivalent of the flaccid zone. I am going to eat some coffee grinds.

24 hours straight of…

oh sorry! byeee

Poor me!

Uncategorized, , ,

Lambchop is feeling glum today. (reads the sign on the door of my plague house).

but thats what weblogs are for. no matter how useless I may feel, the public is served by hearing about it. after all, unlike everyone else, my woe is INTERESTING!

so i perk up a little every time eudora makes that Log! from blammo xylophone tune, expecting to hear from people who have better things to do with their saturday than to mire in self-pity (and the log tune is itself so gosh darn zippy). alas it’s all just the usual notices about how i can be taller, thinner, richer, or more blessed in the cock dept. I am inadequate in ways i never even thought of!

actually, it would not be the first time it has been suggested to me that what would really put spring in my step is having a johnson. Lickety has been telling me for years to consider the graft of a donkey member. but thats because the dear girl really thinks i would make for a fine husband. well, who wouldn’t with such equippage? there cannot be two opinions on the point!

smooch

The Poisoners Handbook

Uncategorized, ,

I have been had by a handsome bartender. He sprang like a gazelle behind the bar: he leapt, he tossed and caught shakers lilke that Tom Cruise movie whose title I pride myself on having forgotten. He got a fat tip for smiling at me. Why are gay men so hot?

anyway, do not fill out any love tests from crushsgent.com because its just some nosey friend of yours who wants to know if your bottom has ever been intruded. maybe you want this to be common knowledge, but i feel a person’s bottom is their private kingdom.

anyway, i think its time i crawl up a plaster ostrich. boddddyyyy, why is my toothbrush padlocked?

smooch

Questions questionable

Uncategorized, , ,

Who has the indecency to call a person at 5pm when they are deservedly sleeping?! The Universe cannot answer such questions.

But its all for the best- now i will have time for the extensive body farming required before i can show up to the opening tonight. not mine, but the gallerist is all a twitter when i don’t show up, because i live right next door and am a safe bet to get drunk and make something interesting happen. (interesting=embarrassing). so yes, i should not think of climbing up on the plaster ostrich and singing a little song about french people unless my eyebrows are plucked, and my toenails pared to a comely shape.

-Lambchop