Point of clarification: I did not invent a new character. Lambchop is a real person, with a favorite color, day of the week underwear, and a snazzy hair-do. This is more than many of you can say! She has left us for New York, however. Watch the news.

Whoa, busy week. I had to rub rump steak all over the railings in the park by my house to draw the nesting yellow jackets over to meet the skateboarders. That went very well, I must say. Get offa my (public) lawn! I don’t want to be one of those people that lives life as a series of “If I could just… things would be better” moments. If I have to potentially kill annoying teenagers, by gum, I’m going to do it, not just whine about it. I have a plummeting property value to consider. Action, always.

No but seeeeriously. We live in a bee beard. There are wasp nests all over the outside of the house. The little buggers burrowed into one of the window frames, so I can hear them in the wall. A man came with some leftover Agent Orange, and now I don’t hear them. I also can’t breathe or move my left arm. If I could just move my left arm….