Do you ever think it’s weird that other cities are allowed to have their own TV news? That’s just not right. We only have news in my city. I don’t care what happens in Pahrump, although it’s usually snowing. What was I doing watching TV in Las Vegas anyway?

On Friday, the chupacabra took the day off to prepare for finals, so I had to watch my own ybab. The hell? That implies that I don’t normally watch her. Ha. I wish! Normally, I sit there and “work” while she hangs upside down from the rafters above my head. The chupacabra is close at hand, and she does a wonderful job of trying to divert ybab by shaking some boiled bones or something, but ybab mainly prefers me. Foolish ybab. The chupacabra has a degree in early childhood education. I have a degree in lying. I wouldn’t hire me to watch a ybab. Anyway, we tired of menacing neighborhood dogs, so we steamed open some mail that didn’t belong to us and applied for credit cards. We could have just opened the mail, but since ybab snorts steam naturally, it seemed like the thing to do. If only we had some unwanted wallpaper.

At least watching my own ybab was free that day. Normally the chupacabra exacts a demanding price for not really watching ybab. Next thing you know, the chupacabra will want a four oh onek.