The other day on the street, I was trudging along in some slush, cursing humanity and wondering if I have cancer (the usual), when I caught a whiff of what HAD TO BE Designer Imposters. It was that fruity 1988 concoction that would pass for hairspray in the year 2000. And this gave me a great idea. So I had a meeting with our product developer (my roommate who works at home, conducted in our underwear), and he said that Vomitola! Perfume is wholly unmarketable. What is wrong with you people? Brad and Jennifer would!

In other news, making fun of people gets you into trouble. More’s the pity, but it is true! Your ever intrepid lambchop is always willing to tow the exploratory line to find these things out for you, and there you have it. My research has yielded some tips that will be very important in your careers, as you heckle your way through this brief, absurd existence:

1. Never tell someone you don’t like them. It is frowned upon, especially by the recipient.

2. Never insult someone directly, there are many more favors to be procured ’round the back door. It is where the servants are drinking, after all.

3. Never forbid someone to be in your company. It is cruel after all, because you are so wonderful.

4. Always invite annoying people to your parties. Everyone will be quietly amused when they fall down the stairs.

5. Never voice discontent. It causes wrinkles.

6. Allow others to believe you find yourself flawless and you will be spared their triviality.

7. Most importantly, don’t be disturbed when someone dislikes you. Jesus was beloved and look what happened to him.

xo