I was in Pottery Barn the other day (I KNOW, but I like their picture frames), and I saw that the powers that be at the ‘Barn are pimping out fake fruit. Aw man, now I can’t find suitable pictures on their site. It’s all tasteful autumnal garlands and shit. Understated Halloween decorations.

Anyway, so I had some serious lust in my heart for this fake fruit. There were pears, apples, grapes, pomegranates. Luscious and bountiful. Just like my gramma used to have on top of her wood-paneled telly. I was going to indulge, since we’ve recently acquired an actual coffee table and need to festoon it in some manner. But it was $20 for a bunch of grapes!

So I got to checking, and I found out that fake food is expensive. That banana split up there is $47! Now I almost feel bad for shoplifting all those barbecue displays from Sears when I was a kid. I had a fixation, I tell you. It was the little lines on the fake hot dogs.

-xxoo