I see a ship in the harbor

Internet, you bastard. I enjoyed a weekend away from you, but now technology is all up my butt again, like Dr. David Hager. Today I am evaluating e-commerce packages, which included talking to a slimy rep. When I said "Hello?" he said "Show your tits!!!!" That's how it is for a lady. So I just started messing with him and told him I was planning on selling vibrators and edible underwear and flavored douches online. Note: I am not selling anything besides myself. I am a consultant! A client is going to sell things (not those previously mentioned things). To pay me. And then I'll leave you for the weekend, because you, the internet, do not have a jacuzzi tub. Circle of damn life.

I also read up on baffling issues involving HDTV for another project. Did you know there's like 6 million invisible TV channels coursing through your body at all times? You need the right kind of fillings to pick them up. And it matters which codec China prefers. China plans to bury us. And oh, who cares. TV is a black box. I press a button, and it makes America's Next Top Model come on. Need-to-know basis only. Technology is SO HARD. And people do not want to "learn more."

Now for a controversial opinion: I prefer Tim Hortons to Dunkin' Donuts, despite the obvious apostrophe problem. I ran across one in Maine ("practically Canada"), and I stumbled around in awe after tasting the vanilla cappuccino, which is not a cappuccino by any stretch of the imagination. This is probably going to get me kicked out of Massachusetts. I'll have to retire to my winter palace in Baltimore.

Posted 5:15 PM by Licketysplit